Cocolada

Nose: Smells like coconut cleaning spray. It's artificial, metallic, and generally unappealing and unsuitable for people. Palate: Sugary liquid, damp paper, fake coconut taste, regret, despair, acceptance, and sorrow. Finish: Brief. Impossible to describe. Possibly vinyl? We bought a bottle of this on impulse while shopping at our preferred liquor store yesterday. It was on sale, so... we experimented. This is a cheap coconut flavored drink marketed by Pinnacle Drinks in Sydney. It's made to be cheaper than Malibu, making Malibu seem high-class. Actually, this is worse than cheap – it's on the floor. Clearly made with the cheapest ingredients, it doesn't say rum on the label, instead calling itself a "wine-based beverage". Since it's 21% alcohol, it likely contains diluted food-grade alcohol mixed with inexpensive sweet white wine and water. The added flavors are completely artificial and thankfully not very strong. They suggest drinking this straight over ice – yikes. Following another "recipe" on the bottle, we mixed it with coconut cream and pineapple juice for a long drink. This resulted in a weak, boring, and slightly unpleasant mix that made us want a real cocktail. Luckily, we had the items to make a Pina Colada. The difference was enormous. Just... don't. "Very Poor": 55/100 (0.5 stars)